The thoughts of the Elevated Empress. Lets build not break.

blacklovers-sliderUnderstanding that creating life takes two but not wanting to subscribe to the general perception of acceptable relationship circumstances. Marriage is of the soul and in its essence is the bond made between two people before any public declaration. This bond declares itself when you allow any person of intimate interest access beyond thought.

I have heard on many occasions that women should be more careful with whom they pick as partners. This comment offends me. As I find it disturbing to believe that many women find themselves single with children, as a result of not being careful. This use of the word careful is usually used to mean you should have ensured the ring came first. My response to this is how does a ring stop a man from walking away if a good woman and child will not? As I say above marriage is declared long before any ceremony. So a man who enters the area beyond thought should come with the intent and purpose of staying.

Growing up I don’t recall it being a goal of my female peers to raise children on their own. Having lived a life without fathers in the home I can’t imagine what the response would of been if the dream was to be a single mother. Independent yes. Single no.

Aiming for this life we did not know. We set about socialising with potential suitors. The vibe was exciting but caution was taken. Waiting for the one to come along and take us into adulthood take us into forever. Never did it once cross our minds like women before us we would be used, lied to, and given false hope. Despite hearing of these experiences, we were taught how special we are so thought this would be plain to see hence being chosen. However the most important part was missing. Lost in biblical teachings we were told our body was a temple and that it was to be treated as such. Our bodies are indeed temples to be admired, loved, caressed, and respected. In a Christian society one would expect this view to be common place. Instead the body was shown to be treated like a temple by hating, abusing and tampering with it. Being told you are special and being told you are a divine being means two different things. But there was a side to life we did not take into consideration. We missed that it was not only us females who grew without fathers in the home. We missed that our potential suitors would be lacking in skills to fill the holes we hoped they would. We forgot that what was witnessed through their eyes too would have long term effects. The same man we looked for in hope of guidance was the same man missing in another home. (In some cases literally). My question to this missing man is. Why were you not there? I’m open to hearing all elements of the reasons given. I am quite confident for 90% of the reasons given this missing man would have been forgiven several times over. So I would now like to ask this missing man why not learn from your mistakes? Why continue to live a life you had failed at before?

This is what I struggle to understand. How can blame be put on a woman for destroying a home when in actual fact she is not doing much better forgiving and nurturing this man with whom she married without ceremony?

You see the same people that scream don’t stand for it. Are the same people blaming you for the break down in the home, many overlook the abuse of all kinds experienced daily by women at the hands and minds of our men. Now I guess here is where the input of slavery and attitudes towards our people throughout history join the discussion. And they do not go ignored. However, when are we going to learn from our past and correct our future? The black woman has ALWAYS stayed true. She has always put her soul on the line just one more time for the black man and his child. She has always seen the god in you and has done her best to help you see him too. She is constantly asked why she tolerates the treatment she receives. Why does she continue to take up with the same kind of man? The answer is very simple she loves the black man and wants to nurture his transformation from boy to man, she wants to let him reign in their kingdom without fear. But when loving direction changes to bitter demands the course ahead becomes hostile. As women we are not perfect but we sure do not set out to live a life less than. This is also true of men. In looking for a way to rebuild relationships in the community it is my belief that a reconnection to family roles be made. Instead of running away let us understand that being true to your natural self is the only way to find balance between two people. In life mistakes will be made but with effective communication (no nagging is not effective, nor is raising your hand) positive relationships can flourish. Let us end the cycle of dysfunction together as we all have played a part and is not solely the result of the attitude of black women, so that we may all benefit from the positive energy required to unite and ascend our communities.

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